Your worthiness is not debatable. This could be one of the most profitable thoughts you can have. It is normal to forget your worthiness. It is normal to not be happy all the time. worthiness, I will talk to you more about in an upcoming episode titled "brain hate"- is very likely the root that unravels a very debilitating aspect of ADHD mind.
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Transcript:
Worthiness is not attainable by anything external
It is not even attainable by internal validation
So many of us ADHD- and just pretty much anyone is wired to want to be connected to others. We want to be accepted into the tribe. For thousands of years this is how our species survived.
Of course it would be wired to see threats of being ostracized
Of course it would want us to do things that would keep us in the community safe from the sabertooth tigers :P
When I remember this when I am in a people pleasing moment. When I am wanting external validation.
For my personal experience, I have seen external validation be one of the heaviest aspects of my worthiness. I wanted others to see the value in my work. I wanted to bring joy to the room. I wanted to make people laugh! I wanted to leave them feeling better than when they showed up. This put a lot of worthiness externally to myself. No matter how I showed up in that moment, I had no power on how they left. Yes it was so fun, to come from that place of
Love for this person, and wanting to connect with them. This is the way that I wanted to help them. is by connecting, and giving my all to them. But when it wasn’t returned. or when I felt like I was off,
Had human emotions that day.
I would feel like a complete failure.
Because I wasn’t able to make people smile.
I wasn’t able to help people through things.
To be insightful.
All the things my ego,
My worth has been based upon. It takes going through down patches,
For me to be able to reflect on what my ego is attached to.
What my worth has been attached to. for me to be able to reflect.
When your worthiness is attached to something
It brings so much more negative emotion. Not only do you just have normal negative emotion,
But then you generally pile shame on top of it
Because for me - my worthiness is even tied into my core values.
When I am not aligned with my core values, I feel worthless. Now I get to understand- that when I am in a really deep
Dark place. And it has been every single time.
It is a worthiness problem.
I feel worthless in that moment.
It’s absolutely amazing,
How many intentional thoughts you can create in good moments.
And how absolutely unaccessible your intentional thoughts are when you are in that place.
I want to remind you to use a resource,
That you will always have with you for lists of things.
I love notes or reminders in my iPhone.
I write all the things that bring me joy.
Remind me of all the things that I am proud of in my life.
The things I have created. The people I have that I love. This doesn’t validate my worthiness…
Because my worthiness can’t come and can’t go.
It is always there.
Just sometimes you can’t see it.
I can see it a little more and more,
When I am in a more intentional place.
When my eyes can see things besides sadness.
When I remind myself of the positive things in my life,
Sometimes it makes me cry even harder-
But then I am able to re-remember that I get to chose.
Sometimes I chose the sadness, to move through it.
To allow it to be there.
Sometimes this is enough to let me transmute it into a more intentional thought. I really want to remind you at this moment,
That shame. Feeling like you shouldn’t be sad. That you are weak for being sad.
These thoughts put pressure on this sadness.
And create more sadness. When you just allow the sadness, or negative emotion,
Causing you to question your worthiness.
Without any should’s, it is so much less powerful.
Give yourself permission to be sad at that moment.
We all feel sadness. It doesn’t need to mean anything about you as a person at all. It simply means you are a human with emotions.
The things that make you worthy- really truly have nothing to do with anything you created.
Has nothing to do with your contributions to the world.
Your worthiness really is truly innate. But that is so inaccessible to the human brain when we are stuck in such a negative place. Just like when you buy a new car, and then you start noticing the same car everywhere. When we are in this thought pattern, we are only going to see things, and likely make things up when we are in this all or nothing, worthiness questioning place.
It is so common for our ADHD brains to get stuck in this all or nothing thinking.
I am a success, or I am a complete failure.
This thought of “I am a complete failure” is all or nothing thinking attached to your worth.
You are as worthy as the sky is worthy to be blue
The sky is not blue because of all the efforts it has made
All the things it has done in it’s life
It is blue because of water particles and light
It’s innate being.
It doesn’t have to try to have the light shine though
It just does
What if we just allowed our light to shine through? We didn’t block it through not believing in it
In believing so much that we had to prove it
That we had to be thin enough to have it
That we had to be successful enough to have it
That we had to be beautiful enough to have it That we had to be the perfect mother to have it That we have to change in some way to then be worthy
We are chasing after so much
so that we can have this thing
that we already are
We are innately worthy
We are innately lovable
Just like the sky
Because of the particles
we are made of
We are particles of love
My husband James has helped me see this more than anyone in my life
He loves me truly even when I don’t love myself
He reminds me of my worthiness, when I have forgotten.
This is something I am deeply grateful for in my life.
Before I knew my husband I tried to remember Thich Nhat Hahn’s Poem (my favorite buddhist teacher)
As often as possible.
I wrote it down everywhere,
Because I loved it so much. ‘I have lost my smile, but don’t worry.
The dandelion has it.’
If you have lost your smile
and yet are still capable of seeing that a dandelion is keeping it for you,
the situation is not too bad.
You still have enough mindfulness to see that the smile is there.
You only need to breathe consciously one or two times and you will recover your smile.
The dandelion is one member of your community of friends.
It is there,
quite faithful,
keeping your smile for you.
In fact, everything around you is keeping your smile for you.
– Thich Nhat Hanh.
My interpretation of this is that when you remind yourself that ‘the dandelion has my smile’
It’s okay to not be happy in the moment
It’s okay to be sad
All with a knowing, or a remembering
That you can get your smile back
It is not lost
It is there in the stillness,
In the breath
Coming back inward
Who you truly are
Before your thoughts about you
We can realize we are choosing to give our happiness away for a moment, or a few
Because we want to be sad sometimes
But when we are ready, even if for a short while
We can take our smile back.
Just because you have lost your smile,
Just because you have let the dandelion have it for now.
Doesn’t mean you are not worthy.
It just means that you are human.
You are made of love.
Particles and atoms that have come together
to give you a human experience
To learn love
To share love
To be love
Love this podcast? We would love your review or a share with a friend!
If you are ready to jump in, create change and make at least another $100k in your business this year, let's jump on a complimentary coaching call.
Click on the link in my bio to book your complimentary 1:1 Coaching Session with Ellen Argo.
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