One of my big thoughts is "I am forgetting something."
seems to be something everyone that I know can relate to.
Of course, our brain will always occupy it at some level,
but the more trust we can build,
the less paralyzing this thought is, and the faster we can move through it,
and ultimately support ourselves and our mental health.
Let's do all the things!
(including sleep at night ;P)
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Transcript:
“You are forgetting something important”
I don’t know about you - but I have been trying to figure out what my thought that sparks my anxiety is - and often times I find that this is the root thought.
That is the spark of my anxiety.
From this thought is where I worry that I am going to let others down
This thought wakes me up at night
Keeps me from falling asleep at night
Starts my negativity spirals
And drives the negativity spirals deeper.
This thought does not come from the present self
This comes from ourselves, worrying about the future.
And many times using our past to validate our fears.
When we come into the now we are able to find solutions for those that need solved,
and we also hold space for what doesn’t even need to be solved. We in the present moment know exactly what we need to do to ultimately support ourselves.
Remember, if we are worried. We are likely living in the future.
If we are sad, many times we are living in the past.
I like to use this as awareness for where my intention is being set. I can’t do anything about the future, and I can’t do anything about the past,
But I have all the power in the present moment.
So using sadness, anxiety, worry and other negative emotions as my guide,
To where my mind is.
And that I can simply bring it back to the present moment.
C laying in bed at night
C I have empty space in my calendar
C On vacation
C 3:15 am
T I am forgetting something
F anxious
A bring up times that I have let people down in the past, think of everything that is going on, what I could possibly be missing, think about all the things that I am not sure what do to about, thinks that I can’t take action on…especially if it has anything to do with client stuff at 3:15am, this also connects me into feeling like everyone thinks I am as irresponsible as I believe that I am, because I truly believe, and this thought propitiates my disbelief in myself, in every area of life.
R I don’t do what I originally set out to do, such as sleep and/or relax, instead I am taking actions fighting against my anxious self defeating beliefs. I am farther and farther away from my truth, and trust in myself, or my abilities.
Or…
C I think the thought “I am forgetting something” T What is the worst that could happen? This thought has saved me a lot, my coach used to ask this all the time. This is a helpful thought when we are stuck in all or nothing thinking,
Something that us, ADHD’ers are pretty good at doing. It’s also called black and white thinking -
Which is also what instigates spirals, or rumination.
So when we are stuck in all or nothing thinking-
Let’s bust out the “What is the worst that could happen?” For example, my husband and I did this event at a local shop.
I didn’t even think about the fact that my husband has no idea how to schedule,
or ring anyone up for the fascia tools that I had brought along,
so people could purchase them and begin their pain free journey right away. So my husband, was pushing buttons, with a person staring at him as he tried to figure out my scheduling/purchasing system. I had completely forgotten until the moment I was still in presentation, and he needed to ring someone up that I never taught him to do that. I am so used to everyone, especially him just knowing everything,
That it didn’t even cross my mind that I would need to teach him that. The point to this story is many things,
There are always going to be things that we don’t even see being an issue,
And although we did lose revenue, and offsetting the expenses of doing the training, it wasn’t a life or death situation. Instead it was a great learning experience for us to write down,
part of our process for getting ready for events, is to make sure a few weeks ahead of time, that we have everything ordered,
And that everyone that will be there is totally trained in everything they will be doing and confident in the future. Because I “failed” at being 100% successful this time, I now have a clearer understanding of how I want to do it in the future. So worst case scenario- I learned something. yes I lost some money, in the short run, but most of those people ended up purchasing in our clinics still anyways. So truly, even then it was more of a good outcome, than a negative. This is what I mean by asking myself, what is the worst that can happen? I fall on my face, make people laugh, and learn how to not do it next time.
Hm...
Not too scary after all.
A lot of the time our brain goes to the worst case scenario,
Without going all the way there - so you experience the anxiety- without the clarity. take it all the way to the end of the scenario allows us to really analyze and maybe even completely dismiss the thought entirely. For example a fear of flying in an airplane,
I am afraid that someone with throw up in the airplane…
This is a serious fear of mine,
Then I can follow it up with, well…I have been on an airplane many times, and I have never noticed this happen, even though I am sure it has happened. I will just make sure I always have my headphones in so I don’t hear it if it’s happening. And then, instead of being worried for hours about this thing that is completely outside of my control from happening anyways,
I have followed all the way through my fear,
And worst case scenario is I have my head phones in and eyes closed? Totally zoning out into good music, or audio books….which by the way is exactly what I would be doing anyways….
I now have no reason be to worried about someone getting sick on the plane.
C thinking the thought “You are forgetting something important” T You are going to let someone down F afraid - but feels important A this also continues for you to look at how you have let people down in the past, all the things you have forgotten..it’s not a pleasant road. Ultimately, you let yourself down. You don’t let yourself recharge, you stay in the hustle,
You don’t allow creativity, the flow state. You are constantly taking action from fear.
Which like I’ve said many times before- is the root of burnout.
When we take action from fear, fear of letting someone down,
Fear of forgetting something, fear of not knowing enough, fear of not having the right skill sets, fear of failure, all of this just drives more reasons to fear, and way more disbelief in the self. It drives a wedge between you, and your self love.
But I want to remind you,
That fear only shows up in the past, and in the future.
When we take that fear, go to the end of the worst case scenario and once we are done with that, we bring it into the present moment,
What happens? We take this thing that we are afraid will happen in the future,
We have brought awareness to its likely impossibility, or at least made it feel much less paralyzing,
And then when we bring it into the light, and calmness of now,
We see that all of those past experiences that we were making believe we were gong to fail in the future,
That those past experiences that we were labeling as failures,
In the present moment, we are able to see the beauty that we gleaned from them.
In the present moment, we get to lean into love, lean into the lesson.
We get to learn, and do better. In the future, we just create more distrust for ourselves, more hate for our brains, in a place that is 10000% illusion, and even our past. Where we haven’t allowed ourselves to forgive ourselves. Have you ever asked a friend/loved one about something in the past? Recently I asked my mom, apologizing to her for the person, and mean big sister I was to my brother. She told me, you weren’t mean. You were a great big sister. We were in the same room, same car, it woudl seem we would have similar experiences of what was happening…
But in our own experiences, even in the exact places,
Doing the same thing, our take aways are goign to be completely different.
I was mad at myself for being so hard on my brother,
I was using my past self to believe that I wasn’t a good person.
The examples of these moments are endless, as I am sure every person that is highly reflective is. You know what is cool about this,
The only reason I care, and am worried about how I treat my little brother,
Is because I love him. Because I want to support him in every way possible.
This is another thing about the present moment,
In the present moment, that thought is available to me. Oh- the only reason I am using the past against me is because I AM a good person.
The exact opposite of what my brain, when it was emerged in the past was trying to make me believe.
someone says words to you such as “you are not a nice person” I must be a bitch terrible find evidence for the times I have been a terrible person, (in my own experience, just like the example above—many times we can find evidence, that doesn’t exist) I have also found evidence, that when I said it out loud or wrote it down, I realized it was said from someone in high school, that was very much living in their own sadness and projecting it on others…. When I am able to bring this thought of I must be a bitch, and bring it into the light and calmness of what is now- I can also see that when they said I was a bitch, I showed up in love. In that moment, even as a 16 year old girl. I knew they were misunderstanding me, and I knew I wasn’t in that moment. Yet- when I needed proof of me being a bitch, I forgot that part, that I knew I had my own back. This is an interesting thing of the mind, it will find proof when it really wants it… but just know. Your hack, is bringing it into the light of now. If you don’t bring it into the lightness of now, you will continue to spiral on how you are a terrible person, how you are so alone, you wont see all the friends that you have that you love and care for, you wont see all the lessons you have learned from this experience of someone else’s reflection upon you,
You wont see the beauty in you believing in yourself,
Instead you will simply disconnect from yourself, and likely become very bitchy.
But it’s important to remember that you are not spiraling because of what someone else said to you, you are not spiraling because someone misunderstood you,
You are spiraling because you aspire to be a good, loving person, and you have believed them, and bought into the thought of “I must be a bitch”
Of course it’s going to hurt when you are a passionate loving person. When someone says “you are not a nice person” or whatever it is that someone has said to you- and it feels like a ton of bricks -
It’s important for you to realize this is only painful, because I am the opposite. I am not that thing.
I get to chose how I make those words mean in my head. I get to hear those words of you saying I am not a nice person,
And in that moment, I can chose to hold space for that person and feel sadness and love towards them, and seek understanding into how they see that, or even understand that there must be something serious going on in their life that they are not telling you.
In this space, you bring it back into the present moment.
This is calmness.
You have all of your control here- leaning into love.
Where the only outcome is either learning to understand each other more,
Learning to respect each other more,
Or learning that we are not the right people for each other in our lives.
All are positive outcomes, all are supporting ourselves in the now, and in turn supporting ourselves in the future.
When we take this approach, we create more love,
We create deeper relationships,
We no longer need to please everyone - which is great for everyone!
And we create more belief in ourselves, and our abilities. Which then— helps us understand and hold space that we can’t forget things,
It doesn’t mean people are goign to be hurt, that they are goign to abandon us and leave us all alone,
Or that some day they are goign to figure out that we are a terrible person…all big thoughts myself and and all of my clients seem to share. (I say this, so you know that you are not alone my friend)
Over scheduling helps me from spiraling
Deliberately scheduling every minute of life keeps me from allowing myself to worry about forgetting something distrust anxiously try to think of everything I need to do, worry about what I am forgetting, rushing the process, thinking of all the things I have forgotten in the past, forgetting my processes, I don’t believe in my ability to remember, I don’t trust my ability to have my own back, for things to flow for me, I don’t allow myself to have down time, I just work super hard, I am afraid of having down time, so that when I do have downtime I am programmed to feel distrust- I am so burnt out because I am taking action from distrust- that I forget things more often. Deliberately scheduling every minute of life I know everything that I want to get done this week trust plan fun things first, plan my naps, meditation, my morning routine that I know supports my mental health, and then I pull up my calendar, find all the important things I need to remember, I use processes that help support my brain, I don’t expect my brain to be a robot and remember every detail, I look forward to the things on my planner, I learn from the past week to see how I can support myself with scheduling, I look at where I am at on my cycle to see how much energy I will have to help me decide how many appointments I can handle this week. I respect myself, and I build more and more trust for myself.
Both of these are detailed schedules - that I have used in both of these ways.
I catch myself over scheduling myself all the time, so I don’t have to be alone with my thoughts.
But when I want to run away from my thoughts —you guessed it- I am in the future or the past.
Anywho- back to the point.
Scheduling every minute can have two very different outcomes, and it all has to do with where you are taking that action from.
When you schedule because you don’t believe in yourself, and you think you will fail without it- well that’s no fun. You are going to probably not schedule as much fun stuff, and instead schedule a lot more of the busy work- especially since you are running from emotions, and being a failure.
When you schedule out your week from a place of trust,
You validate your trust.
And you trust your body, you build in more time to reflect to relax, because you have nothing to run away from.
Of course, throughout the week we will have a mixture of emotions - you will go back in forth between trust and distrust,
This is just normal. Even the most mindful, and after years of positivity is in trust 100% of the time, it’s just not the way it goes.
So, be soft on yourself. when you are in the space of fear that you are going to forget something,
That you are going to let someone down.
First ask yourself, what is the worst case scenario. Follow it all the way to the end,
And then bring it to the present moment.
What can you be grateful for about this awareness?
What is in the now?
Love this podcast? We would love your review or a share with a friend!
If you are ready to jump in, create change and make money with your ADHD brain this year, let's jump on a complimentary coaching call.
Go to ellenargo.ck.page or you can go to ellen.argo on instagram, there is a link in my bio to book your complimentary 1:1 Coaching Session. Can’t wait to see you soon!
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